Things You Should Never Say To Mixed-Weight Couples — Keep the invasive questions to yourself
You’d be hard-pressed to find a couple who hasn’t dealt with people sharing unsolicited opinions about their relationship.
But when you’re in a mixed-weight relationship, you really get an earful.
Couples who are different sizes share the most annoying and straight-up rude things people have said to them.
#1. “Does being different sizes make you uncomfortable?”
“No, it doesn’t make us uncomfortable. At all! We can choose to better ourselves in any area of our lives we wish to, but the love we have for one another isn’t contingent upon how big or small one of us are. I’m happy to know that I’ve married someone who sees beauty in me at all stages of my life. He roots for me! He affirms me. He loved me when we began dating three years ago and I had love handles and a gut. He loves me when I lose weight. He loves me when I gain weight. Our love is more than what we look like. We have grown an inseparable bond and I’m blessed to be loved by such a man who adores every part of me no matter the size!” ― Joy Thomas, who runs the YouTube channel Virtuous Joy
#2. “Aren’t you attracted to people your own size?”
“My question back to this question is always: Why are you attracted to who you’re attracted to? It’s in us. It’s ingrained. Why do you like blonds? Why are you attracted to brown eyes? It’s just what makes us who we are.” ― Anthony Piersanti, who runs a YouTube channel with his wife, Jean
#3. “How do you deal with going on a plane?”
“The truth is, just like in any relationship, we make compromises. When we fly together, Tony always takes the middle seat so I’m able to be comfortable and not be judged by people around me. If there are weight limits, we’ll occasionally do separate activities and then come together to share those experiences. Tony went ziplining recently while I went ATVing. Basically, we take care of each other and have each other’s back!” ― Jean Piersanti, who runs the YouTube channel Beauty and the Stamper
#4. “Does your spouse have a fat fetish?”
“When we first got together, people immediately assumed the reason we were a couple was because my husband had a fat fetish, which is extremely narrow-minded. We still get comments like: ‘It must be hard knowing that someone is with you because of your size’ or ‘Is your husband a feeder?’ or ‘He wouldn’t love you if you lost weight.’ I think people can actually be really horrible sometimes and it seems they have a hard time believing that there are people out there who don’t objectify fat women. People can do what they want and I wouldn’t judge them. It’s ridiculous to think that fat people are unlovable because they don’t fit your own taste. It’s the same as someone having a preference for people with a certain hair color; it’s a physical attribute of someone ― it’s normal! I think it boils down to the fact that there is a stigma associated with fat people. We’re perceived by some as sub-par, or a lesser individual than others.” ― Gloria Shuri Henry, who runs the YouTube channel glowpinkstah
#5. “I didn’t know ____ guys were into curvy girls.”
“In our case, people say, ‘I didn’t know Asian guys like curvy girls!’ Sometimes this statement is innocent and the person is pleasantly surprised by our coupling. However, usually when people say this to us, it comes off as a backward compliment. I really don’t think people understand how twisted this ‘compliment’ actually is. It’s like they’re surprised he’s with me or that I’m with him. It’s all about the size of the hearts, not the individuals. That’s what the focus should be.” ― Angel Nguyen, who runs the YouTube channel Angel + Donny with her husband, Donny
#6. “How do you have sex?”
“I personally find this question to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. We have sex the same way you do except we have a lot more fun. There is no difference in how sexual pleasure is achieved. We are humans. No, we don’t crush our mates. No, they don’t feed us in bed. (Unless you’re into that sort of stuff.) Yes, we can get on top and they can handle it.” ― Carla Theodore, who runs the YouTube channels MzBrooklyn BeYouty-Corner and B&JAY Tv, the latter with her partner, Justin Stallings
#7. “Your husband must be really strong.”
“This conversation comes up usually among strangers. The implication is that he must be so physically strong because I am so fat and big to lift. In the wake of our photo going viral ― an engagement photo showing my husband lifting me up caused a stir online two years ago ― my husband received a lot of the comments from people. Many implied that he must have some extreme physical ability if he’s with me. His physical strength or ability has never been a factor in our relationship.” ―Mzznaki Tetteh, a nurse from Ghana
#8. “Your spouse must always be on your case about getting healthy, huh?”
“I think people always assume my husband is the health conscious one in our relationship, but it’s the total opposite! I’m the one that keeps him in check. I think this is an issue in society: Size doesn’t indicate how healthy you are or if you are the more health conscious one in a relationship.” ― Runa Azam, who runs the YouTube channel Glam by Runa
#9. “You must have low self-esteem to be with someone bigger than you.”
“Some people assume you ‘can’t do any better’ than a plus-size woman or man or that you date them because you have low confidence. That’s a wrong take on a relationship dynamic they couldn’t possibly understand. Ultimately, it takes a strong person to be brave enough to ignore those opinions, not be bothered and continue to enjoy your relationship.” ― Justin Stallings